Paragraph Revision

Original paragraph:

       The editing and choice of footage taken by Treadwell himself suggest a mocking of his character.  It leaves the viewer to wonder if this is how Treadwell would have presented himself in the final cut of his own film.  Herzog focuses the scenes on Treadwell’s seemingly fleeting sanity.  In the scene of Treadwell praying for rain he calls on various gods, including “Hindu floaty thing” (Herzog, 1:15:06).  To request a favor from multiple gods of contrasting religions, seems a foolish act and could be taken offensively.  Why include such a moment in an effort to describe Treadwell’s environmental work? Herzog also highlights Treadwell’s growing separation from humanity.  Such scenes that exploit this are of Timothy reacting to the messages left by visitors, such as the smiley face. Herzog cuts and places it in such away that it characterizes Treadwell as a paranoid mad man.

Revised Paragraph:

       The editing of Treadwell’s footage by Herzog suggests a mocking of his character. The documentary leaves the viewer to wonder if this is how Treadwell would have presented himself in the final cut of his own film. Herzog focuses the scenes on Treadwell’s seemingly fleeting sanity. In the scene of Treadwell praying for rain, he calls on various gods, including “Hindu floaty thing” (Herzog, 1:15:06). Requesting a favor from multiple gods of contrasting religions seams foolish and could be taken offensively.  Why include such a moment in an effort to describe Treadwell’s environmental work? The film also highlights Treadwell’s growing separation from humanity.  Scenes that exploit this are those of Timothy reacting to the messages left by the visitors, such as the smiley face.  As a director, Herzog cuts and arranges footage in a way that characterizes Treadwell as a paranoid mad man.